


It's Just A Bad Day

by VocConflagration



Category: League of Legends
Genre: AU, Alternate - Freeform, Depression, First Love, Help, M/M, Pit - Freeform, Short, Tough time, hard day, little angst, oof, questoning, self doubt, self improvement, unedited, universe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 11:46:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16515842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VocConflagration/pseuds/VocConflagration
Summary: Its Just a Bad Day, but he thats what he always says.Maybe its him.





	It's Just A Bad Day

He runs a hand through dry and unwashed hair. It’s not that hard, it’s never been hard. It’s just a few simple steps, is it not? It’s just a schedule, right? A set timetable and reasonable expectations, cut and paste, clean and cut. It’s not hard at all.  
You just got to put in the work.  
So why, is it so hard?  
So hard to take that next step. To sit down and think?  
To find that will and reason though he understands that it is there.  
Searching, Zed tries to find it. The ignition that will fuel the passion and ambition to stride forward. In doing so, however, he wastes times. The schedule, the understanding, is shifting.  
Zed panics, the shadow of frustration and fear consumes his mind. Seeking refuge in the folds and corners of his mind. He breathes stiffly through his nose, holding onto the rails of reality, trying to keep the walls of the room standing.  
It’s such a simple task. Why can’t he do it?  
He’s not this weak, he’s never this weak, what's wrong? What's wrong!

Zed can’t take it anymore. He pushes away from the desk he was entertaining to spin idly in his chair. The soothing rolls of the wheels play waves in his mind. He tries to pay attention to just those natural, stress-free sounds.

He knows he can’t avoid it. The shadows are creeping around. Playing in the waves of anxious movement. 

It’s clear nothing will get done, there's been too much wasted time anyway. 

With a new calmness, Zed stands tall and tucks his chair into his desk. Sighing due to the failure of the evening. 

The room seems almost more unsaturated than when he had entered it earlier. 

Mind wondering he questions if he is a failure. If this mess up is really that bad. If this is how he is or an off day. Zed debates. It’s not the first time, not at all, but it feels like the first time. JAgged posture, he questions if he’s lying to himself about his true self-worth. 

Covering his hands, he grabs a pop from the fridge. The corners of the world turning dark his heart sinking to his feet. He’s a mess up. There’s no running from the truth. What can you do? You're a failure. Pathetic. Weak. 

He sits against the wall head in hand the only sound being his sips for what feels like a while.  
Zed thinks of his friends. Syndra, powerful and fierce. Akali, logical and strong. Kayn, determined and dedicated.  
Do they ever feel like this? He can barely even fathom the thought of anything but their strength. 

Then there's Shen. Zeds best friend, and to just him, his lover as well. Strong in mind and body but gentle in words and touch. Always looking forward with a glint of optimism a chuckle under his breath. Loyalty superior to dogs. Task initiation and follow through. Dedication and discipline in all his works. Utterly Stunning.  
There's absolutely no way he could ever feel like this.  
He's not pathetic or weak or dumb or-

Zed buries his head deeper into his hands. The sting of the day starting to numb his feelings. 

Is he anything more than this? Honestly? Truthfully? 

It doesn't feel like it, but Zed sits there for hours. Heavily breathing and tearing apart his character.

He doesn't realize how cold he is until a hand is placed on this head. The fingers lightly filter through, like a mother soothing a child. It feels good, relaxing even, but its taunting, wimpy too. Mindlessly, zed swats Shen. Is the room black and blurry now, or is that him?

“I don’t want to rely on you too much. I need to become strong. Stronger than now.”

Without looking, Zed can tell the look on Shen's face. Blue eyes staring with nothing but love at him. It's unusual. It wallows between the walls of his stomach. It’s okay, right? Acceptable? The laughs playing in his mind chant ‘No’s, but the interlocking of their hands makes a quiet yes sound in his own heart. 

For the first time in what feels like days, Zed opens his eyes and looks. Looks at the beautiful man staring at him with nothing but love, the world is coming alive with colour. 

It's okay, right?

“You’re already strong, perfect, really.” 

The light Shen gives, fosters the courage to fight the shadows. The same look despite the pit and failure Zed has been today. Suddenly, the realization dawns on him.  
He just needs to try again. Today may not be the day. 

He’s already bettering himself. If he can do that right now, he can do that tomorrow.  
Just a little bit.  
If it gets too hard he will try again.  
If that doesn't work maybe try again.  
If not, then will help and hell try again.  
If not, his friends will come through. 

No need to worry right now. 

All the love around him, yet he focuses on the shadows.  
Maybe its time to embrace the love. 

“I love you, Shen.” 

That’s right he can do this.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Appreciate any comments or ways to improve.


End file.
